I am interested in the fact that statistically, by now, most of us will have already given up on any resolutions we set ourselves at the beginning of the year!
How can this be?
This can also be the case with individuals who are embarking upon a coaching programme. At the beginning of our coaching relationship the goal may seem clear, but as the coaching progresses and the individual’s self awareness increases, they can find themselves questioning this original goal or even disagreeing with it completely! It may be that the goal has been determined for them by another person, their line manager for instance.
When this happens it presents a great opportunity for the individual to focus their development on things that they can truly commit to. A win for everyone!
My own understanding of how this may happen was enhanced in December when I attended a retreat at the rather special Bonhays in Dorset www.bonhays.co.uk.
This was a retreat to focus on the passing of one year and the arrival of a new one. We thought about what this New Year would hold for us and considered the choices we would make in 2013. What would we like to see, feel, experience? We then took a slightly different view of our choices/wishes/goals/resolutions – call them what you will, and it went like this:
Is this choice/wish/goal/resolution about the following?
This is about our ego. What will others think? How will I look if I do these things? Is this really about something that someone else wants for me? It can be about the ‘unhealthy’ bit of us that is driving us towards the pursuit of ever challenging targets or material possessions. It is something that can normally be easily explained and understood by others.
If you were to speak about this it may make your voice vibrate! You will feel this with passion; it will resonate deep within you. It could be the secret/tender part of you that no-one else knows about. If you spoke of this to others they may have an opinion, which may be welcomed or not by you!
This is a solid, grounded and consistent choice. You will do what you can to make this happen and you will feel that you can be accountable for this.
Many of you will have thought about the question “what am I here for? What is my purpose in the world”? We may feel as if there is a higher will at play which provides us with clarity on what we should do right now. Having a sense of the ‘big will’ can help us to make choices, which are more consistent with our heart’s desire rather than the trappings of ‘false will’.
So take a minute to think about your own choices, goals and hopes for this year and look at them through these 4 different lenses – false will, heart’s desire, true will and big will.
- What sense do you make of them now?
- Do they still feel relevant?
- What have you missed?
- What is your heart’s desire?
- Do you have a sense of higher purpose, if not what could this be?
Be true to yourself in 2013!